Undeserving
by AntiquarianofDeceasedCanines
Summary: Haven't you thought about what living beings are? Are they things that are similar to us? Things that breathe? Things that... die? Hah, the last one's quite ironic, no? / Evil!Gamer!OC
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything beside my OC, bla bla bla, yadda yadda yadda.**

 **Disclaimer 2: Do not read this story if you're a little sensitive retard. You probably get why.**

 **Undeserving**

 **Prologue**

 _Bore_ _d_

 _So bored_

 _So fucking_ ** _bored_**

A door silently opened and a young man walked in. He was in his teens, which was apparent if you'd look at his face. Speaking of his face, he would be considered handsome by many. He had large, grey eyes, a straight nose and prominent cheekbones. He was also pale and had light blonde hair. He was probably of Germanic descent.

'Home. Sweet, _boring_ home.', the young man thought as he walked into a house. No, a _mansion_ would be a better way to describe it.

It was a giant, 8 story mansion built in a gothic style. It probably belonged to some old-timer aristocrats, or some millionaire capitalist pig who decided that they wanted to live lavishly like some monarch.

Nonetheless, this young man was closely acquainted with the owner of the house, it seemed. Otherwise, he wouldn't call it his _boring_ home. Ironic, because many people would kill for this kind of house.

"Welcome back, master Sebastian! You have come late today!", A young woman, dressed in typical maid clothing instantly saw and welcomed her master, the now named Sebastian.

"And?", Sebastian replied, with a bored expression. He easily towered over the maid, probably because he was tall, or the maid was extremely short.

"Huh?", The maid looked confused with the question, not in the least expecting it.

A yawn sounded from the young master's mouth.

" _I asked_ , So what that I came late today?", Sebastian questioned her again, irritated.

"U-Uh, your school ends at 2:30 PM, so I thought that it was weird that you c-came at 6 PM!", She explained her reasoning, stumbling on words.

"Well, there's the problem. You're not supposed to be _thinking_. It is not your purpose. You seem to be new here, so I'll remind you: Your job is to keep this place squeaky clean, not to think with your stupid brain.", The young master said matter-of-factly. He had a little smirk at the end, which quickly disappeared.

"Y-yes, sir!" She squeaked out, nervous and scared.

"Now, do your job, and stop bothering me. Oh, and notify me when parents arrive.", Sebastian ordered.

"Will do as you say, s-sir!", She said and quickly got out of his sight.

Several maids' chattering could be heard in the background

 _"Poor Marina, she didn't deserve this."_ One of them said with a pitying expression directed at the maid Sebastian had an argument with.

 _"Yes, you're right. We should've warned her of Sebastian's attitude."_

Another one said, agreeing with the first one.

 _"No, I don't think we should've! She deserved what she got, and she'll learn not to bother the masters!",_ One haughty maid whispered her opinion, with which several agreed.

 _'These little cretins should know what they are:_ ** _Worthless._** , The young man thought about the maids, chuckling, as he made his way towards the elevators.

He pushed the "" button. As the elevator descended, he got into the cabin.

Once he got into the elevator, he pressed the "8" button. The elevator started ascending towards the last floor.

The elevator stopped, and Sebastian got out and made his way towards his room.

This floor was largely deserted, only a few rooms here and there. There was a large door which led to the balcony.

Contrary to the first floor, no maids were there to be seen.

Sebastian made a beeline for his room's door, opened it with his keys and got in.

The room was large, even for this mansion. Silver wallpaper adorned the room, with many different intricacies drawn on it. The floor was of high-quality, solid wood. There was a king-sized bed, a big TV on the wall opposite from the bed, a wooden work desk, on which were different things that you would expect a schoolboy to have, and a different desk, which was occupied by a high-quality computer. Other than that, though, there was nothing in the room. Because of this, there was a lot of free space.

" **AGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** ", Sebastian laughed maniacally as he entered his room.

"This day is getting better and better!", He said, as he opened the backpack and took out a mutilated head out, "Let's see if they found the body yet!"

He pushed the button on the TV remote and the TV turned on.

" _Germany won against Austria in today's matc-"_ No, " _But, Alejandro! I can't leave you! I love yo-"_ No, " _Are you smarter than a fifth grader?"_ Definitely yes, but no.

 **'A GRUESOME MURDER COMMITED NEAR THE WEISMANN MANSION'** , a headline could be read on the news channel.

Yes.

A young woman, a reporter, appeared on the screen and started to explain the situation.

 _"A body of a young woman was found near the Weismann mansion at approximately 5:30 PM._

 _The young woman was supposedly going to her home from her math tutor's house, which she went to after her school day finished. That's when the killer struck._

 _It is believed that the suspect is none other than the famous serial killer 'The Reaper'. It is known, that 'The Reaper' always cuts off heads, which has been done on this case, too. 'The Reaper's' victim's family always receive the head, although the timing has been varied in the past cases._

 _As we all know, this is not the first killing spree "The Reaper" has committed._

 _The time between the first killing spree and the second one is 20 years, and it is widely believed that the new killing spree has been committed by an impostor._

 _The peculiar thing in this case is the location. It is widely known, that one of the most famous murders was also committed near the Weismann mansion."_ , the young reporter finished talking.

" _Thank you, Amelia. Now, let's talk about something less creepy, shall we_?", a middle-aged man in the studio said.

" _Yes, we totally should, Carl_!", another man said, and the segment about the murder case ended and a sports reporter came on.

"Oh man, I never get tired of this shit! The little bitches' families' reactions are much better, though! I'd _kill_ to see their faces!", The now revealed serial killer gleefully talked to himself.

"Now, let's see what the internet's saying.", The psychopath decided, instantly changing his mood.

He loaded up a website called '4kun' and started browsing the boards.

* * *

 **/b - Random**

 **Anonymous 1/4/2019(Fri) 6:23 No. 1293012802**

 _Peeps, the reaper is back in action_

 _bbs news/new-year's-reap_

 **Anonymous 1/4/2019(Fri) 6:25 No. 1920341244**

 _1293012802_

 _It's the fucking impostor again. Can't he just stop existing? I'm tired of all the shitty conspiracies about him._

 **Anonymous 1/4/2019(Fri) 6:26 No. 1489031203**

 _1293012802_

 _If it's really an impostor, he's doing a damn fine good job at doing the imitating. One might think that the real one is mentoring him, no?_

 **Anonymous 1/4/2019(Fri) 6:28: No. 1886566623**

 _1489031203_

 _No, you fucking retard. Why would the original risk mentoring a fucking loser if he could do all the shit himself? And besides, you'd be an autistic retard if you thought that this was a real deal. The killings are far too messy to even consider the fact that this is the original's doing. Some tryhard is trying to prove his father that he's worth living so he doesn't beat the shit out of him every night, amirite?_

* * *

 _"Damn it, I don't have the energy to argue with these "all-knowing" autistic mongols. It's a good thing that it's Friday, I won't have to see retarded teenage faces of my worthless, undeserving classmates. Plus, I have time do some stupid shit."_ , Sebastian thought, as he closed out of the '4kun' window, and loaded up a game called 'Campaigning Emperors 2'.

 ** _7 hours later._**

"Excusez moi, Louie de Cretin, but why are you surrendering? Maybe because you're french? Wouldn't surprise me! That's unfortunate, I thought I had time to kill all of your family. Oh wait, I already did!", Sebastian yelled, as he emerged victorious against France, which is not a hard thing to do, with their tendency to surrender and all.

 _'Oh man, that was fun. But all fun has to end, unfortunately.',_ Sebastian thought, as he closed the game and went to bed.

 _'Sleep. Sleep is what I need.'_ , He thought, as he lazily looked at the ceiling, ' _Yes, sleeping. Think about sleeping. Don't think about all those nights that you didn't sleep because of your existential crisis and nihilistic thoughts. Think of murder. Yes, think of murder.'_

"Nope, can't sleep.", The insomniac said as he set up. "Welp, now I'm bored."

 _Bored._

 _So bored._

 _So fucking_ ** _bored._**

"Damn it, where's the **"You are the Gamer!"** screen when you so desperately need it?!", The young man yelled out to the world.

* * *

 **CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE BECOME** ** _THE GAMER!_**

* * *

"...Wait, what?", He said, confusedly.

 **[You read it right! You have been chosen to be the gamer! and not some kind of rip-off you'd find in the many of the fanfictions you have read, which were created by not so talented** ** _humans_** **, but the real deal, created by none other than God! You should count yourself** ** _very, very_** **lucky!]**

"...Have I gone crazy? I think I have gone crazy.", He said, again with a confused expression on his face.

"While I do tend to have schizophrenic tendencies, this is too much. This can't be real, can it?", the young man asked the question to no one.

"Well, it's not out of question, considering the fact that humans still exist, which is a fucking _miracle_. It certainly wouldn't hurt me if the first humans were eaten alive so they wouldn't have the chance to breed _billions_ of fuckers like them, or if Kimmy Jongy just bombed them all. Quite the opposite, actually. I'd be very lucky if that happened, but oh well.", The psychopath continued his tirade.

"Speaking of me being lucky, if I trust this very _untrustworthy_ translucent panel which has probably been imagined by my oh so _imaginative_ brain, then I'm _very_ lucky! Hurray! Congrats _me!"_ He said to himself.

 **[Yes, yes, congratulations,** ** _Me!_ ]**, _Is this sarcasm I heard? or, more accurately, read._ **[Now, stop talking, dear, we still have to run you through the tutorial!]**

"...Tutorial? Me saying that my brain is imaginative was sarcasm, you know? Who am I even talking to? Myself. Probably, most certainly myself.", He said to himself.

 **[You're getting distracted again, dear!,** _Why does it keep calling me dear?_ _Well, not calling. More like 'typing' me dear. And why is it so communicative? This is weird, even for me._ **[Time is valuable, and more time you have, more entertainment you can bring to me! Now, we need to get going!]**

With that, another screen appeared.

* * *

 **[Status]**

 **[Skills]**

 **[Inventory]**

 **[Help]**

 **[Options]**

* * *

 **[Let's start with the first category, shall we?]**

The **[Menu]** screen got replaced by the **[Status]** screen.

* * *

 **GENERAL:**

 **Name: Sebastian Weismann (Me?)**

 **Occupation: [Serial Killer]**

 ** _Stats_**

 **LVL - 0**

 **EXP - ?/?**

 **[HP] - ?**

 **[MP] - ?**

 **[SP] - ?**

 ** _Attributes_**

 **[STR] - ?**

 **[CON] - ?**

 **[AGI] - ?**

 **[INT] - ?**

 **[WIS] - ?**

 **[LUC] - ?**

 **[CHA] - ?**

* * *

 **[This is your status screen. You can bring it up by saying 'Status'. People might think you're crazy, but are they** ** _really_** **wrong?]**

 **[Now, let's start with explaining. Well, do I really need to explain those basic stats?]**

"No, I think you don't. They're pretty self-explanatory." He said, with a bored expression.

 **[Well, I'll explain it to the readers, then. *wink]**

 _'…Am I tripping or is this screen tripping? What readers?', he thought._

* * *

 **[ _Name_** **dictates your name.]**

 **[The** ** _Occupation_** **stat shows who you are. e.g. if you are a serial killer, your occupation would be** ** _'Serial Killer'_ ]**

 **[Occupations give stat and skill bonuses (mostly).]**

 **[ _Level_** **shows how much you have progressed since you have left your boring** ** _human_** **life! Leveling up grants you many benefits, such as: Increased _HP_ and _MP_ which scale with your level, and... uh... many more! So, yeah, that's it. _Moving on._ ]**

* * *

 _'Wait, what? Left my boring human life? Am I dead, in a shitty fanfic getting transported to a shitty fantasy world or some shit? Wow, that's a lot of shit. Reminds me of India.'_

* * *

 **[ _HP_** **dictates your health. If it reaches 0, you're dead. Remember, 0 = Death, and Death is bad for your health. Try to keep your health above 0!]**

 **[Also,** ** _HP_** = **_Health Points._ ]**

* * *

 _'Pfft, since when Is death bad?'_

* * *

 **[ _MP_** **dictates how much magical (awesomeness) powers you can have.]**

 **[If your _MP_ reaches 0, you're not magically awesome anymore. Well, if you even had it above 0 before, that is!]**

 **[Also,** ** _MP = Magic Points._ ]**

 **[In different universes, it can be referred to as 'Chakra Points', 'Chi Points', 'Mana Points', etc. But they're practically the same, with little differences.]**

* * *

 _'Yes, I'm getting transported to another universe. Brain, become more original, please, this trope has been used for bajillion times already.'_

 **[ _SP_** **dictates how much stuff you can do before you die of exhaustion.]**

 **[If your** ** _SP_** **reaches 0, you'll** ** _probably_** **die of exhaustion. Or at least fall asleep for an indefinite amount of time.]**

 **[Also,** ** _SP = Stamina Points._ ]**

 _'Well, your mom is gay! Fuck, I'm running out of sarcastic replies. Is it even necessary? Probably not. No, it's not.'_

 **[Now, let's start explaining the** ** _Attributes_ ]**

* * *

 **[ _Strength_** ** _(STR)_** **determines how tough you are. E.g., if you can punch someone so that their brains come out of their asses or not.]**

 **[** _ **Constitution** **(CON)**_ **is your durability, e.g. how much you can withstand without** **getting obliterated to pieces]**

 **[ _Agility (AGI)_** **defines how nimble you are, e.g. How fast and efficiently you can stab people's eyes out.]**

 **[ _Intellect (INT)_** **defines how sharp your mind is. E.g., the higher your** ** _INT_** **is, more torture methods you can come up with.]**

 **[ _Wisdom (WIS)_** **determines how you can use your knowledge, for example: Which torture method is the most efficient at breaking their skulls, minds, hearts, etc.]**

 **[ _Luck (LUC)_** **is a bit different from other attributes. It is a fixed stat, meaning that it can't be normally changed like others. You are born with either high luck or low luck. But there is a way to raise it, (or lower it, if you're a masochist). Although I'm not going to tell you ~** ** _how~._** ** _Hehe._ ]**

 **[Last one on the list is** ** _Charisma (CHA)._** **It defines how likable you are. For example, if your** ** _CHA_** **is high enough, you can make peasants fall in love with you and then you can sell them on the black market, and they still won't suspect anything! Well, probably. What do you think I am, an expert?]**

* * *

" _T_ _his screen, or whoever's writing on this screen has a_ ** _few_** _screws loose. Wait, if I'm imagining this, does that mean that I'm crazy? Yes! Wait, no. Wait, yes! Wait. Isn't being crazy bad? What does something being bad mean? Does it mean that it's not good? But what does being good mean? Morality is confusing. Wait, do we have a morality system? Wait, what's morality? Am I moral or immoral? Wait, I know! I'm crazy!'_ Yes, yes you are.

' _No, that is just absurd. I just need sleep. Definitely not crazy.'_

After that, another window appeared.

* * *

 **[Skills]**

 ** _You do not have any skills right now. Your skills will be analyzed after you have completed the_ [ _Tutorial_ ]**

* * *

 **[Skills are what you can (or cannot) do. You can get skills for just about everything, for example: Sleeping, playing video games, Rapping,** ** _Raping_** **, etc.]**

 **[Skills are made up of other skills (mostly).]**

 **[An example of a skill is '** ** _Killing'_** **. Killing is made up of many different skills, which are all influenced by the General Skill, which is in turn, as you probably guessed, influenced by its subskills!]**

 **[Some of the subskills of skill '** ** _Killing'_** **are:** ** _'Knifing', 'Shooting', 'Swordsmanship', etc._** ]

 **[Skills can sometimes be listed as a subskill of its own subskill, so if you see** ** _'Killing'_** **under '** ** _Knifing',_** **don't be confused, because '** ** _Knifing'_** **also defines, for example how efficiently you can slice meat to prepare a meal,** ** _slice an already dead body,_** **etc.]**

 **[If you aren't braindead and have** ** _'Logic'_** **skill level 5 or above, you've probably already deduced that Subskills can also have their own subskills. It's an endless loop of awesomeness and death! Isn't that just exciting?!]**

 _'This screen talks, or types, an awful lot about killing. I'm starting to get mixed feelings.'_

 **[There are also things called 'Perks'. Think of them as an inbred child of 'Occupations' and 'Skills'. Basically, to not make the status screen a shitshow, the Creator created 'Perks'. Perks are practically 'Occupation' that are too shit to fill the only 'Occupation' slot you have. Also, Perks (mostly) give you unique bonuses, unattainable by other means (probably). For example, 'Super Saiyan' is a lot like a skill, but can also serve as an occupation. So, it is a 'Perk'!"**

* * *

 _"And it's a fucking weeb. Great."_

Shortly after, **[Skills]** screen disappeared, and was replaced by another one:

* * *

 **[Inventory]**

 ** _-Equipment-_**

 **Head -**

 **Torso -** **[Expensive Blue Pajama Shirt]**

 **Hands -**

 **Legs -** **[Expensive Black Pajama Pants]**

 **Feet -**

 **Weapon -**

 **Secondary Weapon -**

 ** _-Items-_**

 **[Mutilated Head of Christine];**

* * *

It was a typical inventory screen, one that you'd see in an RPG game. There were about 20 boxes, on a 2x10 span. Above the boxes was a silhouette of a man, with a few more boxes.

The boy clicked on the **[Expensive Blue Pajama Shirt]** ,and new information popped up:

* * *

 **[Expensive Blue Pajama Shirt]**

 ** _Durability: 10_** ** _0%_**

 ** _Rarity:_** ** _Uncommon_**

 ** _Original Owner: Sebastian Weismann_**

 ** _Owner: Sebastian Weismann_**

 ** _Date of creation: Unknown_**

 ** _Creator: Unknown_**

 ** _2 Charisma._**

 ** _No skill bonuses_**.

* * *

 **[This is your inventory! You can think of it as a separate dimension created just for your hoarding desires! It is not unlimited, though. The size of your inventory scales with your MP. More MP = More space in your inventory. I'm sure you can do the calculations yourself *wink]**

The final screen disappeared.

' _Huh, was that it?'_ Sebastian thought.

 **[TUTORIAL COMPLETE!]**

 **[CONGRATULATIONS!]**

 **[Congratulations! You have completed the tutorial! Now, you're ready to leave your boring** ** _human_** **life and start anew!]**

' _Wowie, I have completed the tutorial! Congrats, me!',_ The psychopath sarcastically thought, "Wait, leave my human life? What's that supposed to me-"

And everything faded to black.

And color came back almost instantly.

Sebastian, instead of being in his lavish bed, trying to sleep, was in a pool of blood.

 _'Wait, what the fuck? Where am I? Why am I in blood? And why am I connected to this tube thing?",_ The serial killer thought.

Suddenly, everything started moving. The moving scenery was filled with red, red and more red.

And finally, there was light.

 **[CONGRATULATIONS!]**

 **[You have been born!]**

'… _Wait, what?'_ , the now very-young man thought.

"It's a boy!", a middle-aged woman in typical doctor's clothes said, holding up Sebastian.

Suddenly, a tall man with long white hair burst into the room.

"Where's Tsunade?!", He yelled, frantically searching for someone in the room.

"Do not worry, Jiraiya-kun! Everything went fine, Tsunade is okay. Also, as you may or may not have heard, you now have a son!", a jovial The middle-aged man with a goatee answered the tall one.

 _"Why the fuck are these people so big?! Why the fuck am I so small?!",_ A high pitched crying sounded in the room, attracting everyone's attention.

"G-give me the baby, Biwako-san…", a soft female voice was directed at the middle-aged woman.

The middle-aged woman, Biwako, quickly complied and handed the baby to the woman in the bed.

 _"Who the hell is this giant blonde woman?! Oh, her boobs are soft._

 _Wait._

 _blonde… giant boobs… Jiraiya… T-tsunade…!', the boy frantically thought,_

"Oh, he's stopped crying.", The tall man called Jiraiya made an obvious remark, "Is this normal, Sensei?"

"Yes, I think it is. This little child is probably tired of crying.", Again, the man with a goatee answered, who happened to be the tall man's teacher.

 **"I'M IN THE FUCKING NARUTO WORLD!",** a high-pitched screeching sound was heard from the world-crossing serial killer's mouth, deafening everyone in the room.

"Oh, why are you crying?", the blonde woman talked to the small child, "Do you dislike me this much?", She said, depressively.

"Hime, I-I think you're making him cry even more.", The tall man said to the bedridden woman.

The aforementioned woman shot the man a heated glare, which promptly shut him up. The woman turned back to the child in her hands, whose thoughts currently were:

 _'Oh god, oh god, please, if you exist, please oh please get me out of here! I thought I left my weeby life behind! Pleeeease! I beg you! Please!'_

"What's that scrunched up face? You're probably thinking that I don't deserve you, or that you shouldn't be in my hands at all.", She whimsically said to the boy, as if he could hear what she was saying, "Well, I hope I'm going to be able to change that.", She finished her tirade a little jovially.

After a few seconds, she said:

"I think I'm going to name you 'Arima'!",

"Do I not get a say in this?", Jiraiya said to Tsunade.

"No.", She finalized her decision.

* * *

 **[Your [Status] has been updated!]**

 ** _GENERAL_**

 **[X] Name - Senju Arima**

 **[X] Occupation: [Newborn]**

 ** _Stats_**

 **[LVL] - 0**

 **[EXP] - 0/10**

 **[HP] - 5**

 **[CP] - ~3**

 **[SP] - ~0**

 ** _Attributes_**

 **[STR] - 0**

 **[CON] - 0**

 **[AGI] -** **0**

 **[INT] - 12**

 **[WIS] - 13**

 **[LUC] - ?**

 **[CHA] - 130**

 ** _Note: Click the [Stat] or [X] to see more information._**

* * *

 ** _10/01/2019: Published_**

 ** _6/02/2019: Perk system added, changed Title system._**

 ** _16/02/2019: General changes made. Removed titles altogether, because it didn't fit the overall system._**


	2. Newbornism

**Chapter 1  
Newbornism**

 _ **1st POV**_

 _ **Senju Clan House, Konoha.**_

Reincarnation.

 _Yeah, right.  
_

When I said that I was reincarnated into the Naruto world, I was joking.

Referring to you, brain. I was _joking_.

Don't you know what a joke is?

I sure know, and you are my brain.

A joke involves saying that it was a joke after the initial act.

So _please_ , tell me this is a joke.

I get it, I was bored and you imagined this.

 _Or, I imagined this._

Huh, so how do I un-imagine this?

I can't even pinch myself, my hands aren't developed enough.

Wait, it's a dream. So, if I imagine something other than this, it'll work, right?

Right.

…No.

Not right.

Did the police find me when I was asleep and inject me with something?

…No, that makes no sense. They wouldn't raid my house, they are too worthless to do that.

So, I'm in a dream.

A dream that's going to end.

Yes, it's going to end.

* * *

I'm probably in a coma.

My brain was so bored that it imagined all this.

And now I can't get out.

Oh well, my family can hire top doctors to help me, I guess.

What do I do before that?

I heard that time in dreams go faster, so by that logic, I can have more fun here and spend way less time than in real life!

Congratulations, _me_.

I'll probably be able to annihilate this world if I act fast enough.

Probably? Pfft, since when am I unable to do something? Of course I can act fast enough.

* * *

Tsunade is hotter in person (In dream, to be exact), believe it or not.

I would know, I'm laying directly beside her. Beside her breasts, I mean.

Which is a _massive_ problem, because whenever I say 'Status', her mammaries block the way to the menu.

And I can't move away, because her boobs are huge.

Using the system would still be a problem, with my short hands and all, but it would still be manageable.

But I can't move.

Wait a sec, if I can bring up the 'Status' with my thoughts, can't I just use others with my thoughts, too?

 _Menu  
_

 **[Status]  
[Skills]  
[Inventory]  
[Help]  
[Options]**

Huh, so it works. Good to know. I can't see the menu clearly, though.

Because her boobs are still huge.

* * *

 _ **Senju Clan House, Konoha.**_ **  
** _ **  
A week later.**_

 _AHHHH, JUST A LITTLE BIT, JUST A LITTLE BIT!_ *huff huff*

ROLL, YOU WEAK BODY! ROLL!

 **YOU NEED TO DO THIS, SEBASTIAN! YOUR (DREAM)LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!**

 _*thunk*_

YES! I DID IT! YOUR HUGE BREASTS CAN'T BLOCK MY FUTURE ANYMORE, YOU MORONIC WHORE!

 _*huff huff*_

Fuck, I didn't know rolling was this hard for toddlers. And that they had miniscule stamina.

But I'm not a normal toddler, I'm a soon-to-be adult in a toddler's body who has gamer abilities!

That sounded cooler when I first imagined it.

Wait, why does my head hurt?

Oh, I fell off. Huh. There's a little bit of blood too. Huh. Realistic dream, if I do say so myself. But still, a dream.

"…A-Arima-chan? W-where are you, Arima?!", Probably my 'mom' said something gibberish from the bed, realizing that I fell off. The narrator should fill it in for you.

You might be asking _: 'Wait, narrator? Where did he get that from?'_

Well, if I am in a shitty fanfic for the time being, I expect there to be a narrator. The 'tutorial' mentioned it, after all.

"WAAAH, WAAH!", I started crying. _Damn my childish impulses._

"ARIMA!", My 'mother' screamed like a stupid banshee, "OH GOD, OH GOD! COME HERE!", She picked me up and hugged me.

At least the breasts are soft.

"Tsunade-sama! Did you just scream?", a panicked woman ran in to the room, "OH GOD! What happened to Arima-sama?!", She questioned Tsunade, worriedly.

"Are you accusing me of something?!", Tsunade glared at the woman, her tone instantly getting cold.

"N-no, Tsunade-sama! I'm worried about Arima-sama's condition!", She instantly replied, fearful.

"Oh, okay. That's good. Wait. ARIMA-CHAN!", She instantly screamed into my ears. _Oh god that was painful_.

Tsunade put her hands on my head and used a medical jutsu, I'm assuming, because my pain instantly became _**worse.**_

 _FUCK! FUCK THAT HURTS! WHY DOES IT HURT?! SHOULDN'T THAT GLOWY HANDS JUTSU MAKE IT HURT LESS?! OH GOOD NARRATOR, PLEASE STOP THE PAIN!_

Oh, the pain's gone.

Nice.

"Arima-chan?! Are you alive?!", The woman with screaming tendencies turned to me, and said something gibberish.

I'm assuming that she's asking me if I'm alive or not, because that's what I'd do. So I just nodded my head.

"Tsunade-sama, I don't think he understa-", The maid said something, then stopped and just kept staring at me. _Did I do something wrong?_ "D-Did he just  
nod h-his h-head?"

I'm assuming that she's asking if I nodded my head or not, so I nodded my head.

"Y-yes, I think he did.", Tsunade turned to the maid, made a gibberish stuttering sound, and then turned back to me, "He's a little genius!", She smiled.

Of course I am a genius. How could I not be, considering that this world is populated with underachieving moronic scum.

Wait, why did her smile get bigger?

Oh, wait. I think I smiled, instead of scowling.

 _Damn you, dramatic reflexes!_

"Who's a little genius? Who's a little genius?~ You are!", She gibberishly cooed at me.

"T-Tsunade-sama, don't you think that it was a coincidence?", The maid asked something to Tsunade.

"What? What are you referring to?", My pseudo-not-so-pseudo mother turned to her, confused.

"I'm referring to his nod at your question. I don't think one-week old children are supposed to understand language.", The maid reiterated.

"No, of course it wasn't a coincidence! He's not a normal child, after all! He's _my_ child! And Jiraiya's not too stupid, as well.", Tsunade answered her, gleefully.

This woman is weird. She's changing her emotions every second! Who does that?!

I definitely don't. _  
_  
 _Definitely._

"T-Tsunade-sama, did Arima-sama fall off the bed?", The maid made a stuttering sound when pronouncing Tsunade's name. Seems like my new 'mother' is more of a tyrant than I thought.

"Yes, I think he did.", 'Mother' answered, "I-I think I was chocking him with my b-breasts, and he wanted to roll out of the way.", She continued, embarrassed.

"W-with your boo-breasts?", The maid questioned, and stared at Tsunade's breasts.

She's either jealous or a lesbian. Or just a pervert. Or a spy from Iwagakure here to kidnap me.

I can't fault her either way, Tsunade's breasts are captivating.

"Y-yes, with my breasts. That's why I'm thinking of getting a bed with cages, so he won't fall off.", The blonde answered her.

"B-but, if he rolled out of the way because your breasts were chocking him, won't it be even more detrimental to his health?", The maid said something. God  
damn it, I need to learn this language, fast. This is just annoying.

"Are you saying that I'm the problem?", Tsunade glared at her, and said something accusingly.

I'm assuming that she's asking if she's the problem or not, so I just nodded.

"I am the problem?", She asked rhetorically, her feelings hurting.

"I-I think he means that your breasts are the problem, n-not you. I also m-meant that.", The maid answered, _What the fuck is your name?_ , using me as leverage to not get beaten to a pulp by the blonde with anger issues.

"Oh. Yes, that makes sense. So, you're suggesting that Arima-chan should sleep a-alone, Chiyako?", Tsunade said, undecided in what to do.

I just got a weird urge to call the maid 'Chiyako'.

Weird.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama!", _Chiyako_ confirmed, not stuttering while pronouncing 'Tsunade' this time.

 _Good for you, C_ _hiyako_ _!_

"U-um, Tsunade-sama, should I call someone to help me get the bed for Arima-sama?", Chiyako questioned 'Mom'

"No, not at this time. Rest for a bit, Chiyako, you can get the bed tomorrow!", Tsunade answered, smiling a little eerily.

"B-but, Tsunade-sama, I can get it right no-", Chiyako said to the recently-turned-milf.

"I _said_. _**Tomorrow.**_ ", Tsunade didn't let her finish, her smile getting bigger and creepier.

"YES, TSUNADE-SAMA!", The maid said a little loudly and instantly left the room.

Tsunade's creepy smile got bigger, if possible, but the creepiness factor vanished and was replaced by a loving gaze.

"It's me and you alone again, Arima-chan!~", She turned to look at me, still holding my body.

 _No, the creepiness didn't vanish. It got multiplied by lovingness, and lovingness is itself creepy._

I was squished by her boobs instantly. _  
_

And I threw up.

* * *

 _ **Next Day**_

I have been relocated to crib adjacent to 'my mother's' bed.

I haven't been this happy since I've been relocated to this world.

And the big breasted banshee hasn't been this sad.

Do you think I care?

Well, I don't.

Your gigantic chest can't hold me captive any longer, you hear me?!

She doesn't, but who cares. I got my freedom, and that's what counts!

*chuckle* get it? 'Counts'. Because I'm basically a count. And I said that's why it 'Counts'.

Funny, right?

...

Now, I'm eager to see what the 'Gamer's ability has to offer without the darn tutorial getting in my way.

 _Status_

* * *

 **GENERAL:  
Name: Senju Arima  
[X] Occupation:** **[Newborn]** **  
**

 **Stats**

 **LVL: 0  
EXP: 0/10 to next level**

 **[HP]: 5 (Recovery 1%/hr)  
[CP]: ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)  
[SP]: ~0 (Recovery 0.000066/m)  
**

 _ **Attributes**_

 **[STR] - 0  
[CON] - 0  
[AGI] - 0  
[INT] - 12  
[WIS] - 13  
[LUC] - ?  
[CHA] – 130**

 _ **Note: Click the [Stat] to see more information.**_

* * *

Those stats… are pathetic.

Didn't expect any more, though.

My SP stat being this pitiful is probably the reason why rolling was so hard for me.

But damn, charisma 130? That's so overpowered! And luck is still '?'. Wonder what that means.

* * *

 **[CHARISMA] – 130.  
Modifiers: Perk [Newborn] increases by 900%**

 **[LUCK] - ?  
Modifiers: Perk [Protagonist] changes by ?**

* * *

Those two screens just appeared out of nowhere. Was it because I thought about Luck and Charisma?

* * *

 **[CHARISMA] – 130.  
Modifiers: Perk [Newborn] increases by 900%**  
 **  
[LUCK] - ?  
Modifiers: Perk [Protagonist] changes by ?**

* * *

Two more appeared. Yes, I think that theory is confirmed.

This is nice, now I won't have to strain my shitty body to press buttons.

So, my charisma is overpowered because of my newborn perk. I'll take it, I guess. I doubt it will last for long, though.

And my luck is increased by the Protagonist perk.

Yep, this is proof that I'm in a shitty gamer fanfic. Or in a dream. Or in a coma. Or in all of them at the same time.

Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it.

Wait, the screen doesn't say increases, it says ' _changes'._

That could mean increasing _and_ decreasing. Or both of them at once.

 _Troublesome._

* * *

 **[Newborn]**  
 _  
_ **You have recently been born! Congratulations!  
You now have the privileges of being a newborn, such as: Throwing up on your parents without them doing anything to you (if they're not sadistic cultists), Sucking breasts without people classifying you as a pervert, Laughing at people without them getting offended and many more!  
You also have a pitiful body now. Sucks to be you!**  
 **  
-** _ **Modifiers**_ **-**

 _ **Passively increases [CHA] by 900%**_

 _ **Passively decreases [SP] by 99%**_

 _ **Passively decreases [CP] by 99%**_

 _ **Induces behavior normally not committed by adults.**_

 **Expires when host's body becomes eligible to become [Toddler]**

 **[Protagonist] - X-Rank Perk.**

 **You are the protagonist. Everything practically revolves around you.** **You have the ability to change everything In the world, but the world will most certainly set obstacles on your adventure, to make the novel more interesting to read.**

 **Oops. Did I mention the novel? Oh well, you'd guess it yourself, anyway.**

 **-** _ **Modifiers-**_

 _ **Changes luck by ?**_

 **Makes the world revolve around you**

* * *

AHA! My theory was correct! And how could it not be, I'm the protagonist.

Wait, the menu says 'Novel', not shitty fanfic.

Could it be? Could I be in some quality novel?

 **[No!]**

Thanks for the reassurance, screen.

Oh well. I'm not _that_ lucky, I guess.

Oh, and the screen appearing out of nowhere when thinking of something needs to be turned off, it's getting annoying.

* * *

 **[Options]  
**  
 _ **Difficulty**_ **–** _ **[Easy]/[Normal]/[Hard]/[**_ _ **Story**_ _ **]**_

 **Minimap – [On** **]** **/[** **Off** **]**

 **Gore – [** **On** **]/[Off]**

 **Show Tips – [On]/[** **Off** **]**

 **[** **X** **] Activation by Thought**

 **Skills – [** **On** **/Off]**

 **[X]Menu – [** **On** **/Off]**

 **Stats – [** **On** **/Off]**

 _ **Note: Press [X] to view more.**_

* * *

Yes, there it is.

* * *

 **[** **X** **] Activation by Thought**

 **Skills – [On/** **Off** **]**

 **[X]Menu – [** **On** **/Off]**

 **Stats – [On/** **Off** **]**

* * *

" **Arima-chan!"**

 _What the fuck was that?!_

"What are you doing, Arima-chan?"

Oh, it's my 'mother's' student, the redhaired imbecile named Kushina. Also known as Naruto's mother in the 'canon universe'.

She's going to die, by the way.

I don't want a brainless dimwit to steal my spotlight, after all. _  
_  
"Oh, you're happy to see me, aren't ya?", She's smiling at me. Why is she smiling at me? Didn't I scowl at her?

Oh wait, I think I smiled.

It's a habit of mine. When I dislike someone, I go all smiley to make them go away faster, otherwise, they would stay around to question my attitude towards them.

As you can see, it doesn't always work.

"Kushina, he was trying to sleep before you came. You can come back tomorrow.", My tired 'mother' grumbled, rolled around in her bed to face her and said something, which promptly made her become red like her pubes.

"O-oh, Tsunade-sensei! I-I didn't see you there! Sorry, didn't know he was sleepy.", She said something as she fidgeted, "I'll come back tomorrow, dattebane!", the red-haired troglodyte yelled something and ran out of the room.

And ran back a second later.

"Tsunade-sensei!", The red-headed banshee yelled,

"What?!", The big-breasted banshee yelled back.

"When are we going to start training again?", the little imbecile asked.

"Not in a month, at least. Now, get the hell out of my room!", The blonde woman yelled at the small one.

The small girl got scared, probably, and ran out of the room.

* * *

 **[New skill initialized!]**  
 **[Skill [Acting] has been added. You can view it on your [Skills] screen.]**

* * *

Oh, nice. That's a pleasant surprise, the tutorial didn't mention anything about my past life's skills getting carried over.

 _Skills._

* * *

 **[Skills]**

 _ **Note: Press [X] to view more.**_

 **[Rolling] -** **Level 5** **Skill - 52% progress to next level.**

 **Grants the ability to roll.**

 **[Acting] – Level 27 Skill - 25% Progress to next level.**  
 **  
Grants the ability to act more-or-less accordingly to the situation. _  
_** **  
The higher level it is, the more believable your acting becomes.**

 _ **Passively increases CHA by 2 every 10 levels.**_

 **[Lying] – Level 35 Skill - 53% Progress to next rank.**  
 **  
 _Determines whether or not people will be deceived by your words and actions._  
** **  
The higher level it is, the more believable your lies become.**

 **[Perks]**

 **[Descendant of Hashirama] - A Rank Perk.**

 **You are the descendant of Hashirama Senju, first Hokage of Konohagakure**

 _ **Passively Increases your [HP] by 50%  
**_

 _ **Passively Increases your [SP] by 25%**_

 _ **Passively Increases your [CP] by 50%**_

 _ **Sets your starting reputation with [Konohagakure] at Honored.**_

 **[Blood of Ninja] - B- Rank Perk.**

 **You have been bred to become a ninja.**

 _ **Increases your [CP] by 25%  
**_

 **[Son of the Sannin] - B Rank Perk.**

 **You have been conceived by two of the Konoha's Three Sannin.**

 _ **Passively increases your reputation gain with [Konohagakure] by 100%**_

 _ **Passively Increases your relation gain with [Ninja] which is not [Hostile] or [Hated] by 25%**_

 _ **Has synthesis with perk [Descendant of Hashirama] - Grants perk [Prodigy]**_

 **[Prodigy] - A Rank Synthesis Perk.**

 **You were born better than everyone else, basically.**

 ** _Passively increases skill and stat gain by 100%_**

 **[Newborn] - D Rank Perk.**

 **You have recently been born! Congratulations!  
You now have the privileges of being a newborn, such as: Throwing up on your parents without them doing anything to you (if they're not sadistic cultists), Sucking breasts without people classifying you as a pervert, Laughing at people without them getting offended and many more!  
You also have a pitiful body now. Sucks to be you!**  
 **  
-** _ **Modifiers**_ **-**

 _ **Passively increases [CHA] by 900%**_

 _ **Passively decreases [SP] by 99%**_

 _ **Passively decreases [CP] by 99%**_

 _ **Induces behavior normally not committed by adults.**_

 **Expires when host's body becomes eligible to become [Toddler]**

 **[Protagonist] - X Rank Perk.**

 **You are the protagonist. Everything practically revolves around you.** **You have the ability to change everything In the world, but the world will most certainly set obstacles on your adventure, to make the novel more interesting to read.**

 **Oops. Did I mention the novel? Oh well, you'd guess it yourself, anyway.**

 **-** _ **Modifiers-**_

 _ **Changes luck by ?**_

 ** _Makes the world revolve around you_**

* * *

That's a lot of overpowered perks, no?

Not complaining, though.

And perk synthesis? Oh, this is going to be _fun_.

* * *

 **[New menu has been initialized!]  
** **  
** **['Reputation' has been unlocked!]**

* * *

Oh, yeah.

* * *

 **[Reputation]**

 **[ X][Konoha] - [Honored] 0/21000 to [Revered]**

 **Increases relation by [+20] with everyone affiliated with [Konoha]**

 **Contacts in [Konoha]:**

 **[Tsunade Senju] - Relation [100]  
Modifiers: [Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Son of the Sannin] - [+20] Relation; [Mother] - [+50] Relation;**

 **[Jiraiya] - Relation [90]  
Modifiers: [Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Son of the Sannin] - [+20] Relation; [Father] - [+40] Relation;**

 **[Hiruzen Sarutobi] - Relation [60]  
Modifiers: [Citizen] of [Konoha] - [+10] Relation;** **[Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Godfather] - [+30] Relation;**

 **[Chiyako the Maid] - Relation [30]  
Modifiers:** **[Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Servant] - [+10] Relation;**

* * *

So, the Third Hokage is my godfather?

I smell nepotism. * _Creepy smile*_

 **"Arima-chan!"**

 _What is it, now?!_

"It's time to eat, Arima-chan! Aren't you hungry?", My pseudo-mother said.

I am assuming that she's asking me if I'm hungry or not, so I just scowled at her.

"Oh, yes you are! Come here!" Wait, did I smile again instead of scowling?

The woman took out her breasts and made me suck on them.

 _Damn you, my stupid reflexes!_

And I bit her nipple.

"Ouch, that hurt, Arima-chan!", she yelled out and "softly" _punched_ my ass.

 _Ow_

Hey, at leas tit worked.

Get it? At 'leas _tit'_ , because I bit her nipple, which is on her 'tit'.

Funny, right?

...

Right.

* * *

 ** _GENERAL_**

 **[X] Name - Senju Arima  
[X] Occupation -** **[Newborn]** _ **  
**_ **  
 _Stats_** _ **  
**_ **  
[LVL] - 0  
[EXP] - 0/10 to next level**

 **[HP** **] - 5 (Recovery 1%/hr)** **  
[CP] - ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)  
[SP] - ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)  
**

 _ **Attributes**_

 **[STR] - 0  
[CON] - 0  
[AGI] - 0  
[INT] - 12  
[WIS] - 13  
[LUC] - ?  
[CHA] – 130**

 _ **Note: Click the [Stat] or [X] to see more information.**_

* * *

 _ **17/01/2019: Published.  
7/02/2019: Changes made to skills and perks.  
16/02/2019: General changes made. Reverted some changes to skills and perks because they worsened the overall system. Removed titles.  
19/02/2019: Minor changes made to Perks.  
8/03/2019: Skill-leveling perks removed altogether because they were redundant.**_


	3. Childhood Is Boring

**This chapter came out more cracky than I thought it would.**

 **I promise the next chapter will have more action and shit. I never break my promises, I promise.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **Childhood is Boring.**

 _ **Six months later.**_

These six months of my 'new life' have been… uneventful, to say the least.

I had to keep up appearances, as to not look _too_ intelligent.

Ironically, because of that, I had time to think. _Too much_ time to think.

I've realized that humans are interesting beings, and they are worth to get to know.

…

AHAHAHAHAHA! You totally fell for it, didn't you?!

But really, I think rushing and trying to destroy as fast as possible is going to be a waste of time. Where is the fun in that?

I'll get to know all the oceans, seas, rivers, ponds, tiny droplets of waters in this world.

I'll get to know every human, every single cell of them.

And _then_ I will destroy them.

Good plan, right?

…I sometimes forget that no one answers my questions.

Nevertheless, I started exploring the world with a very convenient tool called 'Observe'

Wait, I'll show you.

 _Observe_

* * *

 **[Tsunade's Breasts]**

 **A woman's mammaries which has made a few and destroyed a lot of men's lives.**

 **Size: DD**

* * *

 **[Observe] has leveled up!**

 **Level of [Observe] has been increased to 32.**

* * *

Convenient, right?

Right, you can't speak. And you probably cannot hear me. Well, my thoughts, to be correct. Probably no one is reading this, as well. And I'm talking tomyself. Well, I'd be talking to myself even if anyone was reading this, so…

...

Nevermind.

Wait, what was I going to do? I forgot.

Oh, yeah. My plans.

Becoming a ninja is a priority. That could become a problem, because Tsunade is a little fearful bitch because her autistic brother and her cocksucke-, uh, I mean, vaginalicker died.

and Jiraiya, my perverted not-parent, is an unconvincing sack of shit. It's a wonder he managed to knock up Tsunade In this universe, but hey, more overpowered perks for me. So,

because of that, he won't be able to help me adequately.

So, the only option is _me_ convincing her when I grow up a bit, or Orochimaru, who also happens to be my godfather. Or, it would be cool if Hiruzen told her about my 'prodiginess'.

Speaking of my 'prodiginess', I have expressed my intelligence by learning to talk when I was 3 months old.

I'll try to think of that moment, maybe you will see a flashback or something...

 _ **FLASHBACK**_

* * *

 _I think I' m starting to understand this language._

* * *

 **[Understanding (Nin)Japanese]**

 **Whata? Omae wa mou, shindeiru?**

 _ **Passive – Grants you the ability to understand the speech of inhabitants of the Naruto world.**_

* * *

 _That is very good, I'm tired of assuming what people say. Feminists might come after me for that._

 _Nevermind that, I feel like this woman is trying to teach me how to say 'Mother'._

 _Me understanding the language doesn't mean that I can pronounce the words, you know? My mouth is not that well-developed._

 _But I need relation points, or whatever it is called, so I'm going to try to do it._

 _"Mama", Oh nice, I managed to pronounce 'Mama'. This is what I call_ _progress._

 _"Y-you said mama?", my pseudo mother said._

 _"Mama", The stupid chimp made me repeat what I said._

 _"YES! Chiyako! Come here! He said mama!", She yelled to the maid._

 **[Relation] with [Tsunade Senju] has been increased by [5]**

 **[You have learned skill 'Talking'!]**

* * *

 **[Talking] (Passive) LVL1; 0% to Level 2.**

 **You can now make noises with your mouth that barely resembles human language. Congrats!**

 _ **Passive**_ **-** _ **Grants you the ability to talk.**_

 **[Talking in (Nin)japanese] LVL1; 0% to Level 2;**

 **Wataa! Omae wa mou, shindeiru!**

 _ **Grants you the ability to talk in the language people use in the Naruto world.**_

* * *

 _One step closer to world domination. Nice._

 _Speaking of steps, learning to walk is going to be a chore.  
_ _  
_

 _ **FLASHBACK END**_

* * *

Did you see the flashback?

I'm going to assume that you saw the flashback.

Moving on, I'm now learning how to walk. Well, the woman is practically forcing me to, to be honest. She's a slave driver, a good trait to have.

Not when you're a slave, though.

"Come here, Arima-chan! I know you can do it!", The tyrant taunted me.

Okay, I'm going to do it. That is the only way to ensure my safety from the hands of this monster.

"Look at me, Arima-chan! Don't look at anything else, okay? Just me!" _Narcissistic much?_

But, it's a good advice. Whenever I look at my feet, I wobble. Probably because of my undeveloped nervous system.

 _One step._

Concentrate

 _Two steps_

Don't look at your tiny dic- uhh, I mean feet.

 _Three steps_

Look at the woman

 _Four steps_

Look at the cunt

 _Five steps_

Concentrate on the cunt

 _Six steps_

Cuntcentrate

 _Seven steps_

…aaaand

 _Eight steps_

Done.

 **[You have learned skill 'Walking'!]**

* * *

 **[Walking] (Active) LVL 1; 0% to Level 2.**

 **You can barely walk! That's pretty good, for a** _ **newborn**_ **.**

 _ **Grants you the ability to walk.**_

* * *

"Arima-chan! You did it!", She happily yelled while using her breast-choking technique on me.

"Y-yesh mama." _Ugh_.

"Oh, sorry for nearly choking you, sweety!"

* * *

 _ **Approximately 6 months later**_

 **[Perk 'Newborn' has evolved to 'Toddler']**

Finally.

* * *

 **[Toddler] – D Rank Perk.**

 **Congrats, you're now one step closer to adulthood, and death. Well, if you aren't planning to be immortal, that is. If you are, then good luck to you!**

- _ **Modifiers-**_

 _ **Increases [CHA] by 500%**_

 _ **Decreases [CP] by 50%**_

 _ **Increases [SP] by 50%**_

 **Expires when the host's body becomes eligible to become a [Kid]**

* * *

Increases SP by 50%?

Can't say I'm surprised, though. Have you ever seen a toddler get tired?

Me neither. That might be because I've never looked after a child. And I have a tendency to tune out annoyingness, anyway.

Moving on, as you might have realized, I have finally learned how to properly walk and talk.

 _Skills: [Walking] and [Talking]_

* * *

 **[Walking] LVL 13. 24% to Level 14.**

 **Congratulations! You can walk like a normal human now! You are one step closer to your goal! *** _ **Wink**Wink***_

 _ **Grants you the ability to walk.**_

 **[Talking] LVL 15. 53% to level 16.**

 **Congratulations! You can babble like a buffon now!**

 _ **Grants you the ability to talk.**_

* * *

Yeah, I've been practicing a _lot_ , as you can see. It was _obviously_ hard. Like your dick when you see Tsunade's breas-

…

Okay, that was unnecessary.

Anyway, nothing interesting's happened in these 6 months.

Unless you count seeing my 'Parents' having sex captivating, which is debatable for some.

I think I've said this many times, but Tsunade is much more attractive in person, even after giving birth to a megaloma- _*cough cough*_ very normal child – Me.

That really can't be said about Jiraiya, whose body frequently ends up in my nightmares, particularly one body part, which is surprisingly long, taking in the fact that he is a perverted erotica writer, walking around with a bulge in the lower part of his body all the time. Maybe that's why Tsunade hooked up with him.

Well, more like hooked onto him. Hehe.

Get it? Hooked _on?_

Like a hook? A _fish_ hook? Like the saying "There are plenty fish in the sea", by which we can refer to Tsunade as a fish, and she got hooked _on_ Jiraiya, most  
specifically on his penis?...

…

Damn, I'm such a comedian!

Right?

* * *

 **[Congratulations!]**

 **[You have received a new perk called "Humorless Comedian"]**

 **[Humorless Comedian]**

 **Your jokes are so _humorous_ that someone might think you have lost your _funny_ _bone_ _*ba dum tss*_**

 _ **Significantly lowers the chance of anyone laughing at your jokes.**_

* * *

Oh, you motherfucke-

* * *

 _ **Approximately a week later.**_

 **[HOORAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!]**

 **[CONGRATULATIONS!]**

 **[Quest objective "Survive - Year 1" complete!]**

 **[Received 10 EXP!]**

 **[CONGRATULATIONS!]**

 **[YOU HAVE LEVELED UP TO LEVEL 2!]**

Wait, what?

Quests exist?!

 **[New feature unlocked!]**

 **['Quests' unlocked!]**

Oh, so they do exist.

And I thought the writer was a lazy shit who forgot to write about it in the last two chapters. Then again, this is my imagination, so it is my brain that is a lazy shit. Does that make _me_ a lazy shit?

 **[Yes, it does!]**

Yes, I know. But still, fuck off!

 **[Okay, whatever.]**

And my gamer system is being moody. _Nice._

 _Quests._

* * *

 **[Quests]**

 **[Survive] –** **IMPOSSIBLE** **–** **MAJOR STORY QUEST**

 _ **Pretty self-explanatory. Survive until you become un-killable. Pretty easy, no?**_

 **Objectives:**

 _ **1.**_ **Survive – Year 1 –** **X**

 _ **Rewards – 10 EXP.**_

 **2\. Survive – Year 2 - X**

 _ **Rewards – 20 EXP.**_

 _ **Note: This quest is a 'Major quest', meaning that its objectives give separate rewards.**_

 **[Become a Ninja!] - Easy \- Story Quest**

 _ **You have been born Into a world full of ninjas. It would be pretty wasteful for you to not become one.**_

 **Objectives:**

 _ **1\. Be born – X**_

 _ **2\. Persuade Tsunade to let you become a ninja - X**_

* * *

Woow, 10XP? That's _soo_ much! _Thank you_ , game!

...

10XP is actually a ton, though. My first level-up! Congratulate me, guys! Make me feel worthful!

 **[Congratulations!]**

Oh, I guess that'll do.

So, as you probably guessed, it's my birthday. It marks a whole year of me being in this 'World', which is _totally_ not being imagined by my brain while I'm in a coma.

Well, there is an upside to this. In this one year of joblessness, I have come up with many more killing, torture and manipulation methods which were unheard of in my real world! I'm going to revolutionize serial killing! I'm going to become a sensation! A world-famous dictator! Everyone will bow down to _me!_

…

Ahem, I got carried away. I apologize for that.

Anyhow, as it is my birthday, I await gifts.

…

Wait a second… What comes with a birthday?

Gifts…

Birthday cake…

Birthday song.

Oh no.

Writer, please n-

 **"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ARIMA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!~"**

 _AH! MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!_

"Arima-chan! Happy birthday, my little sunshine!", Tsunade yelled into my ears as she hugged me, leaving me no room to breathe. Because, you know, her  
breasts are huge.

 _*wheeze*_

"Oh, sorry!", she stopped hugging me as fast as she could when she realized that I was choking.

"Hey, Gaki! Long time no-see!"

Oh, it's Jiraiya, my 'father'.

"Dad!", I said as enthusiastically as I could.

"That's the spirit! I'm very glad to see you too, Arima-chan!", He said, obviously happy to see me. _I'm not really sharing the sentiment._

"And, to make you even happier, I brought you a gift!", Oh, nice "It's a toy Kunai!"

Ah, okay. I don't really care either way, but I thought it was going to be a porn magazine or something.

"I wanted to get you something more _mature_ , but mommy said that you aren't ready for it!"

"Wha? Matsure? What's dat?", I said with my undeveloped mouth and looked at Tsunade 'quizzically'.

"We'll tell you when you get older, Arima-chan! Isn't that right, Jiraiya?", she answered me happily, then looked at Jiraiya with daggers in her eyes and a  
forceful smile.

"Ah-hahah, yeah, we'll tell you when you get older!", Jiraiya quickly answered, scared of Tsunade's wrath.

I yawned instinctively.

"Oh, sorry Arima-chan! You should be sleeping right now!", My 'mother' took my yawn as a sign of me being sleepy and grabbed me to put me to bed.

And, well, she did.

"Sleep tight, Gaki!", Jiraiya said, then winked at me.

"Come on, idiot! He's trying to sleep!", Tsunade rushed Jiraiya and they left the room.

I could hear them arguing in the adjacent room for about half an hour, and then they went to sleep.

As I was relocated to an adjacent room to theirs, I could hear them doing "Mature" stuff. Quite loudly, may I add.

Sleep is going to be tough this night.

* * *

 _ **Year 2.**_

So, two years have passed since my awakening in this world.

It's still very, _very_ boring.

This "Toddler" perk has restricted my development quite a bit.

Not even talking about Tsunade, who doesn't even want to hear about me potentially becoming a ninja.

Practically the only thing I've been doing this past year is improving my already-achieved skills. Well, and reading. Well, trying to read, anyway.

(Nin)Japanese is harder than I thought, but I still pulled through.

I am a genius, after all

* * *

 **[(Nin)Japanese Reading] – Level 18 Skill, 52% to Level 19.**

 **Insert pseudo-Japanese words**

 _ **Grants you the ability to read**_

* * *

Oh, and I have also been gaining contacts.

Mainly, contacts with different Clan children, who are so easy to fool, yet so _rewarding_.

One of the more interesting children I have seen is

* * *

 **[Uchiha Junko]**

 **Age: 2 years old**

 **Height: 86.7cm**

 **Weight: 12Kg**

 **Affiliation: Konoha, Uchiha Clan.**

 **Description:**

 **Uchiha Junko is the daughter of the current head of the clan Uchiha, Uchiha Akahito, and the sister of the current clan heir, Uchiha Fugaku. Contrary to her name, which means 'Obedient child', and her clan, which is known for broodiness, she is not very orderly at all: She has abundant energy, likes making friends, talks a lot ever since she learned how to, likes sports, etc. She is also regarded as a prodigy, though, because she acquired skills like Walking, Talking, Reading much earlier than her peers. Oh, and she also counts you as one of her best friends.**

* * *

The plot has diverged quite a lot since I was given birth, don't you think?

And no, before you ask, I am _not_ going to marry her for political purposes. Not even I would go to such lengths to keep an alliance at such costs.

Can you imagine having her as your wife? It pains me even thinking about it.

Although I'm going to keep her close. Yes, very, _very close_.

Also, I finally met my idol, the one who made me realize true ways of sociopathy, the one whose deceitfulness is what motivates me to become better, the one, the only: Orochimaru!

* * *

 _ **About 2 weeks ago.**_

Children. Should. Die.

I've always been a firm believer that all life forms stand equal. Meaning that all of them have to be equally eradicated.

But children, sweet, sweet children should be eradicated more equally.

As I entered the house, I heard a familiar voice, one that I haven't heard in quite a while.

"Hmph, I feel very irritated. Me becoming a godfather of that little mongrel wasn't enough for my little-knowing teammates. They just had to make me come here to meet him. At least you understand me, Fluffy." _Huh?_

There in the room, talking to a snake, stood my godfather, Orochimaru.

Seeing my idol so suddenly made me start to hyperventilate like a fanboy who thinks that the figure of his dreams is the epitome of godliness.

Orochimaru, being a badass ninja that he is, instantly heard me and stopped talking to his snake.

"Oh, hello child. I have been expecting you.", He said just like I envisioned it.

My fanboyness intensified, but I hid it under a thick layer of deceit. It would be good if I could secure him as my mentor in the future, as he is a very skilled ninja.

"Hello dadd-Uh, Orochimaru-sama!", I said very confidently.

Orochimaru sent a weird look at me, but then straightened his face and replied:

"It is rather good that you remember your godfather's name."

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama! How could I not remember the name of the greatest Sannin?!", I said enthusiastically, stroking his ego.

"Oh, the greatest Sannin, you say?", He said, "It looks like your parents have raised you well."

"Yes! and when I grow up, I want to be just like you!", I continued using his pride to my advantage.

"Just like me?", He inquired rather quizzically.

"Yeah! I want to be badass like you, with a cool sword and giant snakes fighting with me!"

"Oh, do you? Hmm, that would be a very difficult task to accomplish, child. You do realize that, right?", He answered pridefully, flattered by my praises.

In the heat of the moment, I formulated a plan that would surely secure my place as his protege.

I turned away from Orochimaru so he couldn't properly see what I was doing and punched my penis very, very hard. Tears instantly started rolling from my eyes. I had a very strong urge to just lie on the ground and console myself, but I mustered all my strength and turned around to face Orochimaru.

"C-Child? Why are you crying, child?!", the Snake Sannin suddenly looked very alarmed, "Did I do something? Please don't cry, child!"

"Y-you didn't do anything, Orochimaru-sama." _*sniff*_ "It's just... I-I realized that I won't be able to become a great ninja like you!", I said with all the fake emotions, which wasn't very fake, as my peepee was hurting very much.

"W-why, child?", Orochimaru questioned me, more concerned about his well-being than mine, because if Tsunade found out about this, she would most likely skin him alive.

"B-Because mommy doesn't want me to be a ninja!", I cried out.

"W-what? Don't worry about that, child! I'll talk to her and she will allow you to become one, just don't cry!", He tried to console me.

"Okay!", I said with a bright smile, my emotions turning upside-down instantly.

Orochimaru looked confused at my bipolarness, but then we heard another voice.

"Orochimaru? I didn't actually think you'd come.", My mother said to her old teammate as she came into the house.

"Yes, I actually came to see my godson. Me and your son were having a conversation before you entered. I have to say that he is a good child, Tsunade.", The mad scientist said.

"Oh, what about?", Tsunade asked.

"About you not allowing him to become a ninja.", The Snake Sannin replied very bravely.

"Ah, about that. No."

"What 'no'?", Orochimaru inquired.

"I know that you will try to convince me into allowing him to become a ninja, so before you did that, I already answered: No.", The tyrant explained her previous reply, thus making the chance of Orochimaru's attempt succeeding very low.

"But-", He attempted a recovery.

"No buts, Orochimaru!", the man's attempt was instantly thwarted.

"But-", He tried again, not realizing that his attempts wouldn't be fruitful.

"No is a no, and get that snake out of this house! Now!", the woman's wrath killed my hope.

"Ah, okay, okay! I will oblige, but do not forget about your child's potential. He surely could become a very formidable ninj-", he tried to finish the sentence.

"I said NOW!"

Realizing that convincing her was impossible, the Snake Sannin turned to his snake.

"Okay, fluffy, this woman doesn't like you, so you have to go.", He said with a frown.

The snake nodded it's head and poofed out of existence, white smoke filling the place where he was before.

"Fluffy? You named your snake 'Fluffy'?", Tsunade deadpanned

"Yes. Is there a problem?", Orochimaru asked.

Suddenly, Tsunade started laughing maniacally whilst saying things like "Fluffy!", "He named his snake fluffy!".

"Ha-ha, very funny.", Orochimaru's frown became even bigger.

* * *

 _ **Year 3.**_

So, it's year three already. Time sure goes by fast, no?

Quite convenient, huh.

Nevertheless, with subtle hints and persuasion, I am close to making Tsunade agree on me becoming a ninja.

I only have one year, after all, I don't want Hatake Kakashi to become a ninja faster than me. That would be very embarrassing, and it has been a long time  
since I have felt embarrassed.

I am in one such conversation right now.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Momma! Mom!"

 **"WHAT?!",** Tsunade yelled at me

"Can I become a ninja?!", I asked her, using my ultimate technique that I have been mastering for these past three years: The **[Puppy Eyes no Jutsu]**

* * *

 **[Puppy Eyes no Jutsu]**

 **Aww, so cute! Of course I'm going to give you all my money! Don't forget to take my kids and my wife as slaves!**

 _ **Extremely increases your persuasion capabilities.**_

* * *

"N-…", She prepared to yell at me but stopped.

"Why?", She said softly, "Why do you want to become a ninja?"

This. This is the moment that I've been preparing for so long. Don't squander it, Seba-.. Ahem. I mean - Arima!

 **"** Because I-", I stopped mid-sentence to keep my childish façade up, "Because I want to protect my loved ones!"

She looked at me, wide-eyed.

"Yo-you want to protect your loved ones?", She asked, her eyes filled with fear, nostalgia… and hope?

"Yes! I want to protect you, Dad, Grandpa Hokage, Chiyako-san, my new friends! I want to protect you all, and that's why I want to become a ninja!", _as if_.

"I-I… I don't know what to say, Arima-chan.", My caretaker said with tears in her eyes, "Okay, I give you the permission… to become a ninja!", she finished  
with strong emotions, her voice wavering.

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thankyouthankyou!", I yelled and hugged her with semi-genuine emotions.

Before you assume things, yes, I am glad that I can finally become a ninja and pave my path to world dominance, but I'm not _that_ happy.

"But being a ninja is a very dangerous job, okay?", She stopped hugging me and looked me in the eyes, "You will no doubt become a very powerful one, but with great power, comes great responsibility. You got that?"

I nodded.

"That's my boy!", She wiped her tears and hugged me again.

 _*wheeze*_

"Oh, sorry!", She realized that her breasts were choking me, and released me from captivity.

 **[Congratulations! You have received perk "Two-Faced Liar"!]**

 **[Skill "Acting" has leveled up to level 57!]**

 **[Skill "Lying" has leveled up to level 60!]**

 **[You have completed an objective of a quest [Become a Ninja!]  
[New objective added.]**

* * *

 **[Two-Faced Liar] – A Rank Perk.**

 **Hello, I am a unicorn with no horn called Jumbubwa! My favorite things are: playing Bingo with my grandma, reading furry romance books, adding the word 'Himala' at the start of the sentence, and eating shit! Himalanice to meet you!**

 _ **Makes you able to lie with no emotions showing that would indicate your untruthfulness.**_

 _ **Synthesis - Can be fused with perk [Accomplished Schemer]**_

 **[Quests]**

 **[Become a Ninja]- Easy \- ****Story Quest** **  
 _You have been born Into a world full of ninjas. It would be pretty wasteful for you to not become one._**

 **1. _Be born. - X  
2\. Persuade Tsunade to let you become a ninja - X  
3\. Enter the Ninja Academy._**

* * *

It would be much better if the system was not an epitome of cringe, but there is nothing I can do. _Yet_.

 **[You can file a complaint against God if you want!]**

...Really?

 **[Yes, really! Although, it probably is never going to even get read by anyone!]**

Oh, now that's normal. No-one ever reads my stuff, so not much of a surprise.

 **[Aww, poor you...]**

* * *

 _ **Year 4.**_

So, this is it.

This is the day I finally become a ninja.

…

Just kidding, I'm just entering the Ninja Academy.

This past year has been quite a bit more eventful than the 3 before, certainly.

When Tsunade agreed to me becoming a ninja, she did not say it was her who was going to train me.

I should have awaited it, but oh well, what's done is done.

What is done, is me having to go through _hell_.

 _ **Insert intense training montage, filled with blood, gore and sweat here**_

The writer should write a flashback of the montage here.

...

So, it was quite rigorous, as you can probably tell.

I cannot say that it was unfruitful, though. Because it very much was not. I learned quite a bit more than I knew about chakra and biology in this world as a whole, which made my

intelligence go up by a 5! And my wisdom increased by 3 too, because I had an existential crisis after every training session.

Speaking of the training sessions, my physical stats have gone up quite a bit.

Also, my **[Toddler]** perk has finally evolved to **[Kid]** , which is a major boost to my capabilities.

* * *

 **[Kid] – D Rank Perk**

 **Congratulations! You are one step closer to death now! You are now a fully eligible rage fueling, insanity driving, depression-inducing thing called a kid! You are now fully eligible for being bullied and/or being a bully; Being raped by old, wrinkly bishops; Becoming a child warrior, destined to die before even discovering what a woman's clitoris is! Don't worry about the third one, that can only happen in special worlds, like… yours. Oops.**

- _ **Modifiers-**_

 _ **Increases [CHA] by 250%**_

 _ **Decreases CP by 25%**_

 _ **Increases SP by 25%**_

 **Expires when the host's body becomes eligible to become a [Teenager]**

* * *

It would be better if I just show you the status screen.

* * *

 **[Status]**

 _ **GENERAL**_

 **[X] Name - Senju Arima**

 **[X] Occupation – [Child]**

 _ **Stats**_

 **[LVL] – 7**

 **[EXP] – 235/1,941 to next level**

 **[HP] - 200 (Recovery 1%/hr)**

 **[CP] – 350 (Recovery 1.325/m)**

 **[SP] - 190 (Recovery 0.024/s)**

 ** _Attributes_**

 **[STR] – 10**

 **[CON] - 8**

 **[AGI] - 8**

 **[INT] - 18**

 **[WIS] - 16**

 **[LUC] - ?**

 **[CHA] – 46 (Base 13+250%)**

* * *

So, as you can see, I'm not a weak toddler anymore.

Well, kind of. I don't even stand a chance against many Genins. But, nevertheless, I am ready to go to the Ninja Academy, and finally get my godforsaken diplom- I mean the ninja headband.

"Hey, Gaki! Are you ready to go to the Academy?", Jiraiya asked me, as he came into my room.

"Yeah, dad! I can't wait!", I "enthusiastically" replied.

"That's the spirit!", He gleefully smiled at me.

I also smiled at him.

…

And we kept smiling.

…

And kept smiling…

"Why are you two smiling?", Tsunade walked in on us smiling and asked confusedly.

"We're just excited that he's going to the academy.", He replied hypnotically, still keeping the smile.

"Yeah, we're just excited", I confirmed and kept smiling at him.

…

"What the hell…?", Tsunade looked at me, with a very confused expression.

I just smiled at her.

After a few moments, she also smiled.

* * *

 _ **15 minutes later.**_

So, this is the Ninja Academy.

Doesn't look very impressive, does it?

Oh right, you can't see it. Well, you should know it, and I shouldn't have to explain how it looks.

Anyway, there seem to be a lot of little human beings that desire to die in the next couple of years.

Oh, one of them is my potential 'rival', Kakashi with his father. He's talking to the gigantic brow guy, don't remember what his name was. And there's the girl that practically started the plot in the canon universe. I think her name was Ran? Rem?

Who cares about her, though, I am the star now.

...and there comes Junko. My 'best friend' with her caretaker. It seems as though her parents do not care about her that much. And she's dragging… Obito?

Uchiha Obito? What the actual...? Why is that troglodyte even here? He didn't join the academy when he was 4, did he? Well, not much use in worrying about it.

And Junko is coming towards me. How convenient.

"Hey, Arima-chan!", she yelled at me from far away. I think she was arguing with her caretaker, trying to pull away from him, but he was not letting go. Obito just stood there

awkwardly.

"Hey, mom, dad, can I go meet her?", I asked my parents for their permission. What? I need to keep my reputation clean.

"Yeah, sure!", Jiraiya answered me.

"Mom?", I asked, not wanting her upset because I am quite tired of her 'wrath'.

"Yes, you can go.", she answered, with a forced smile.

That's a yes in my books, forced or not. So, I moved towards her.

"Hello, Junko-san.", I greeted her, respectfully, not wanting the servant to report my disrespectfulness towards their princess.

 _I'm thinking about my reputation here._

"Hey again! Sorry for this, this guy was not-", she tried to pull away from the caretaker's arm again, "Letting me go to meet you! Stupid!". She spat an 'insult' at him.

"I came to you already, so you should stop trying to run away." I tried to 'reassure' her, not wanting to put up with the child's childishness.

"Yeah, I guess so…", she instantly changed her emotion and appeared downcast for a second, but then, she suddenly looked up at me with a huge smile.

"Oh, yeah! We're going to the academy!", she said, a little too happy about her potentially dying very early.

"Yes, I know. It's very exciting!", I said, trying to sound excited.

"Yeah, it is!", She said, but then she looked as if she remembered something important. Or, someone important, "Oh yeah! This is Obito!"

The aforementioned Obito was looking at the ground, shy.

I looked at him and said: "Hello, Obito-san. I am Senju Arima."

The boy suddenly looked up at me, "S-Senju?!", He said, surprised.

"Yes, Senju. Is there a problem?", I asked softly.

Junko looked at him in the eyes, as if to reassure him.

It seems that it worked, because Obito mustered the will to look up at me in the eyes, but then he bowed down a bit too much and said: "M-my name is Uchiha Obito! It's a pleasure

to meet you, Senju-san!"

Why did he call me 'Senju-san'? is he scared of me or something?

"Just Arima should be fine, and it's nice to meet you, too.", I said with a little smile.

He instantly looked up at me and said a quick "Thank you".

Junko looked at him concerned, and a little angrily. Then she looked up at me and said: "Sorry, Arima-kun! He's a little shy!"

"Don't worry, Junko-san.", I 'reassured' her, "Should we go ahead and enter the academy?"

"Yeah!", she excitedly affirmed my proposition, "What do you think, Obito?", she asked, a bit forcefully.

"Y-yeah! I agree, we should!"

And so we did.

 **[Objective "Enter the Ninja Academy] of quest [Become a Ninja!] has been complete!]**

* * *

 _ **GENERAL**_

 **[X] Name - Senju Arima**

 **[X] Occupation – [Child]**

 _ **Stats**_

 **[CHA] – 46 (Base 13+250%)**

 **[LVL] – 7**

 **[EXP] – 235/1,941 to next level**

 **[HP] - 200 (Recovery 1%/hr)**

 **[CP] – 350 (Recovery 1.325/m)**

 **[SP] - 190 (Recovery 0.024/s)**

 ** _Attributes_**

 **[STR] – 10**

 **[CON] - 8**

 **[AGI] - 8**

 **[INT] - 18**

 **[WIS] - 16**

 **[LUC] - ?**

 **[CHA] – 46 (Base 13+250%)**

* * *

 **Important Note:**

 **Sup readers. As you can see, the status screen is one unorganized mess, which is why I have a question: Should I use my complicated-for-nothing formulae for the numbers, or should I just throw in random numbers that will benefit the plot?**

 **The one below is the one with calculated numbers, and the one above is the plot numbers.**

* * *

 **[X] Name - Senju Arima**

 **[X] Occupation – [Child]**

 _ **Stats**_

 **[LVL] – 7**

 **[EXP] – 235/1,941 to next level**

 **[HP] - 183 (Recovery 1%/hr)**

 **[CP] – 338 (Recovery 1.325/m)**

 **[SP] - 188 (Recovery 0.24/s)**

 ** _Attributes_**

 **[STR] – 10**

 **[CON] - 8**

 **[AGI] - 8**

 **[INT] - 19**

 **[WIS] - 17**

 **[LUC] - ?**

 **[CHA] – 46 (Base 13+250%)**

* * *

 **The Important Note:**

 **Hello, readers. It is me, ICollectDeadDogs, the lazy writer. As you can see, the status screen is one unorganized mess, which is why I have a question: Should I use my complicated-for-nothing formulae for the numbers, or should I just throw in random numbers that will benefit the plot?**

 **Oh, and also, there is a link to my discord server on my profile, so feel free to join it if you want. it'll be way easier for me to communicate with you, and i'll probably post some chapters as a beta version there, before I post here.**

 **Or, I guess i'll leave a link here too -**

 **discord . gg slash Re3A7a8 - It looks weird, because normal links do not work on fanfiction. Well, don't work for me, at least.**

* * *

 ** _19/2/2019 - Published. Edit: Edited a few mistakes.  
26/2/2019 - Changed a few things.  
3/1/2019 - Corrected grammatical mistakes, 'cause it seems like I'm dumb enough to let them slip after revising the chapter about 5 times_** ** _.  
3/8/2019 - Added the "Orochimaru part", which is very bad at the time of writing this. Will probably improve it, but not right now._**


End file.
